I’m really lost at it…

Since I have transferred to another school due to my delinquency, and I was able to reflect on one of my posts in this wall, I now realized that I deserved those things to happen to me. I mean, looking up to what happened to my life for the past few months, I could really say that my mind needed a break from everything that is happening around me.

I still don’t know what is bothering me up to this day, and I don’t want anyone else involved in my endeavors that I have been getting; The reason being that they would just misinterpret it or they just don’t care a goddamn thing about it. I have already accepted this reality by logical means. That may be my advantage as compared to other people who couldn’t think objectively through their lives. But by accepting it doesn’t mean that I am happy with it. I still yearn for other interactions with other people. It’s just that it’s a sad truth that I am all alone in this world that I am currently living. Not to be emo of some sort, but I feel that I am the only person in this life. My father’s somewhere, classmates who I can’t really rely on because they also have their own life to bother with, and the fact that I still have yet to finish the cleaning up the other half of the house that is still drenched in mud.

If you didn’t notice, I didn’t bother accounting my experience from that cruel date of September 26, 2009, just days after the Software Freedom Day. It was still quite painful for me to remember how the house was devoured by the slow currents of the flood, and I was yet alone to care for myself. And everything seemed to have collapsed after that faithful day, something like the Great War of 2077 in the Fallout universe. I just didn’t care that much about my future after that day. It seemed that we aren’t really in control of our future.

I am staying faithful to what God is preparing for me in the future, but thinking objectively, I just don’t see the good side of having the flood destroy the very few things that I have in life. I still have yet to see the bright side of everything that has happened and to what I did. I willingly tried to fail the subjects in my former school because my mind seemed to reject whatever bullcrap I fed it. But now, I am lost to what I needed to do, or to what I have to do. All I wanted now is to live my life, and that is all.

I really don’t know now… I may be emotionally unstable as of today due to reasons I personally don’t know. But what I feel is that I just needed someone whom I could lean on to…